This quote has always resonated
very strongly with me. Writing to me has always been the way in which I could
express myself most honestly. Since I was little, I’ve taken to writing down
the things I can’t say – and there seem to be so very many of those. I live
inside a world of my creation and it isn’t always easy to come down from that
cloud and accept what has always seemed the less appealing world around me.
It’s always been very difficult to share that world with others and that’s part
of the reason I started writing – there was so much there that I couldn’t hold
it all inside. But even then, being the incredibly private person I am, I shied
away from showing it to anyone, and still do. So, you may ask, what could
possibly possess me to start a blog – a little corner of the Internet designed
specifically to be seen by absolutely anyone and subject to all kinds of
criticism? I don’t have an entirely clear-cut answer to that question. But I am
willing to try and trace it out.
Even if I have trouble giving voice
to the things that cross my mind, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything
to say. Quite the contrary: in fact, lately I’ve taken to thinking that I have
far too much to say and not enough people to say it to. And what better form of
free expression is there than the Internet? It might not always be the
friendliest place, but at least it provides an opportunity to put something out
there and see what happens. I’ve known that I want to be a professional writer
for a long time now. But there comes a point when that certainty just isn’t
enough anymore – I have to know if the things that I have to say are worth
writing down, if they’ll mean anything to anyone who reads them. Half the
success of any writer is an avid and loyal audience. You can’t expect to make
any kind of a difference if people don’t like what you write and, more
importantly, if they’re not even willing to read it in the first place. Hence
this little experiment. Are people interested in what I have to say? I guess
I’ll find out.
In addition to that, lately I’ve
been challenging myself more and more. As if that wasn’t surprising enough, I
also found that I like it. So now I’m willing to push it another step further. My
imagination and my rich inner world are the things that drive me to write in
the first place, but if I’m not careful they will also be the things that hold
me back. I cannot realistically expect to achieve my goal if I am afraid to let
anyone see what I write. I’ve been told time and time again (mostly by my
father who simply loves to bring me crashing back to reality) that as a writer
you need a tough skin. And it’s true. Some of the best advice I’ve heard about
writing is simply to write what you know. It seems glaringly obvious at first –
how could you write what you don’t know? But once you sit down to write
whatever it is you know it becomes much more difficult than just that. What you
know isn’t always easy to get down in writing, for whatever reason that might
be – inner demons, past experiences you’d rather not relive, thoughts you don’t
want anyone else dissecting. Writing is
intriguing in the way it forces you to really delve inside your own mind, and sometimes
find hidden pockets you didn’t know where there. But if you’re like me, you’ll
find you don’t really have a choice – writing is a need rather than a hobby –
so you’ll write those things down anyway. And once you’ve managed to get past
all the reasons that would stop you from writing what you know, you have to
face the added hurtle of showing it to someone else. Someone who does not live
inside your head. Someone who doesn’t know all the misgivings you had putting
all those thoughts or feelings out there for them to see. Someone who doesn’t
know the incredibly personal space from which those words came. In short, someone who has no idea what
exactly it is they hold in their hands and such is free to judge, criticize,
and condemn it as much as they like. It’s an incredibly scary thought, at least
for me. I put a lot of thought and feeling into my words. I’m not exaggerating
when I say that when someone rejects them, they reject me. In a lot of ways
writing is not simply what I do; it’s who I am. But I also realize that if I’m
serious about this, then I need a tougher skin. Here’s to building a tougher
skin, layer by layer.
Lastly, the part of me that craves
new experiences thrills at the thought of trying something new – and, what’s
more, something with a slight risk to it. There is something so appealing about
casting your thoughts out into the universe, without knowing where they will go
or what waves, if any, they will make. Not to mention the creative freedom
inherent in the very nature of a blog. Lately I’ve run into such a rut with my
writing. Academic writing, while rigorous, can be so restricting, not to
mention exhausting. I find that at the end of the day, when all I want to do is
sit down and write about the things I want
to, not have to, I simply don’t have
the mental energy necessary. And trying your hand at a novel for the first time
(somewhat naively and overly optimistically in my case) can be so overwhelming.
There are so many little details that need to be in place before the writing
can really flow. This gives me an opportunity to practice and to grow as a
writer. And last but not least I’ll get to finally sit down and explore issues
that are important to me. Writing is after all, a discovery. It’s the best way
to find out exactly what you think about anything. And that’s the part that
excites me the most.
I can’t really guarantee that you,
dear reader, will always like what I have to write about. I can’t guarantee
that it will entertain you, and I can’t guarantee that you’ll agree with it.
But I do hope that it will at least make you think a little, maybe go places
you hadn’t thought to go before. Maybe I’ll even catch your imagination, if I’m
lucky. But I’d be happy if you simply joined me on this little adventure into
the world of writing.